In the narrow alley of Shanghai, where autumn leaves drift against the azure sky, a little girl sits absorbed in her painting, layering colors onto her sketch. Her brush pauses, then resumes, bringing to life the portrait of herself, her little brother, and a drowsy calico cat.
When I met her, the girl wasn’t sitting in the autumn breeze but rather in Tangwan Primary School’s classroom, illuminated by a beam of tender, fading light. Fiddling with a clay ball, she was waiting for Pomelo Bay’s drama class to start. The ball resembled the look of the blue memory orbs in the movie Inside Out, displaying a surface that’s just as smooth and a luminous shade of blue. I couldn’t help but wonder what cherished memories this blue orb stored.
The little girl and her blue clay ball
She grinned when I asked her where she got the ball.
“I made it, mingled tiny bits of clay gathered during art class.”
She placed the ball in my palm, and it pressed against my fingers. The ball was heavier than I expected, even startlingly so. I ask her whether her favorite class is art. She nodded, dimples deepening, eyes crinkling like crescent.
“Painting is my greatest hobby. I enjoy drawing cats – especially the calico ones. They’re adorable. There was once when I even created a self-portrait where I held my little brother in my arms and was surrounded by a group of calico cats. I wish I had one.”
Her crescent eyes glimmered with uncontainable joy as she spoke about all sorts of things about her paintings – her sketches of rippling lakes, the vivid tinges of darting goldfish, and of all favorites - her series of portraits of orange-striped calico cats. When I asked if painting was a shared family interest, she sighed softly and admitted that her parents were too busy with work to sit with her while she painted.
“My dad works on an assembly line at a factory, and Mom juggles two jobs - pizza shop during the day and a barbecue stall at night. Dad gets home around eight, and Mom often not until midnight.”
She explained how her father’s salary of 7,000 yuan had once been enough to support the family. Yet since the birth of her little brother four years ago, family expenses have surged, and her dad’s salary got cut, forcing her mother to step out to work. With both parents occupied, the responsibility of taking care of her newborn brother fell upon her shoulders. It wasn’t until her grandpa came to Shanghai this year that this responsibility got alleviated. Now, grandpa takes care of both young ones.
I stared upon her slim shoulders, wondering what mighty force laid beneath the young and delicate flesh.
“Before my grandpa came, there’s often no one at home when I return from school”
Emptiness is a norm. The occasional soft snores of her brother and the rustling sound of her paintbrush were the intruders of silence. When I asked her how she managed to take care of her little brother at such a young age, her confident voice revealed her adeptness in the child care work.
“Just have to take him up and move him to the clean bunk when he wets the bed, or make him some food with the children's kitchen tools which mom bought me. I can make scrambled eggs, noodles and rice.”
As she immersed herself in the family memories, her face glowed with pride, and I could see ripples of love in her eyes. Following those ripples, I was guided towards the fragments of her homely memories, peeking into the inner entities that the blue orb stored.
“It’s funny,” she said with a laugh. “When he was younger, he used to talk behind my back. Now he’s so reliant on me! There’s a boy in the neighborhood about his age, and my brother always brags about having such a great sister like me. Makes the other boy jealous.”
She can’t suppress the delight in her dimples, and I find myself smiling too, unable to resist her infectious joy. She went on to share more stories about her neighborhood.
“There’s a “Shanghai Grandma” who always makes extra food for the cats during dinner, and an older sister upstairs who helps feed them too.”
She added, “Oh, and there’s a college student upstairs who occasionally helps take care of me and my brother. She’s one of my favorite person in the apartment. My parents also like her a lot. We often bring her along during our family trips.”
The community seems so lively the shadow of the figures flash in front of my eyes. I asked where her family would visit during their trips.
“Really, really beautiful places, where there are amusement parks and carousels.”
It wasn’t until I heard this sentence that I was reminded of the little girl's actual age. The image of a rainbow-lit carousel thus fetched itself into my mind, and I glimpsed the final fragment of the blue memory orb through her stories.
“So, is it your dream to visit more carousels?”
“No, my dream is to work at an animal shelter, taking care of homeless creatures.”
This drew an end to our conversation.
Outside the window, the autumn leaves swayed gently in the breeze. The twilight had deepened into night, yet I could clearly envision a vivid frame unfolding: the little girl with her parents by her side, her brother in her arms, neighbors gathered around, and calico cats weaving in and out of the scene—all enveloped in the warmth of her honeyed smile. I thought to myself, if the blue clay ball really was her memory orb like the one in Inside Out, then it's meant to feel so heavy, as it carries her vitality, resilience and the unwavering weight of love.
上海的小巷里，有一个小女孩静静的在漫天秋叶下画画。画笔一顿一顿地在白纸上渲染出颜色，纸上渐渐显现出弟弟，女孩自己，和小猫三花的模样。塘湾小学周五放学后昏黄的教室里，同一个小女孩正在等待爷爷接自己归家。我遇到她时，她正在等待柚学湾的戏剧课开课，手里拿着一个蓝色粘土球，笑眼弯弯的坐在小板凳上。那个粘土球被搓的很圆很圆，有一个拳头那么大，特别像头脑特工队里储存记忆的蓝色玻璃球。
我问她那个球从何而来，她说这是她课间拿粘土一点一点凑出来的，然后把那个球放到了我的掌心上。沉甸甸的。我继而问她最喜欢的课是不是美术，或者手工，她盈盈地点了点头，两个酒窝向里凹。
“我最喜欢美术课了，喜欢画小动物，尤其是小猫，画的最多的一种就是田园三花。有时候会画我抱着弟弟的场景，然后周围围了一圈小野猫”
说到自己热爱的东西时，女孩眼里透着晶晶的光亮，她说自己放学写完作业以后除了照顾弟弟外，有时间就会画画。画水光潋滟的湖畔，画湖畔里的小鱼，画橙黑相间的三花猫，画肖像。爸爸妈妈都说她画的很好，只是工作很忙，没时间陪她一起画画。
“爸爸在流水线工厂上班，母亲白天在披萨店工作，晚上在烧烤店。他们回家很晚，爸爸差不多8点下班，妈妈可能要到12点这样。”
女孩的父母都在上海工作。她说从前家里只有爸爸一个人上班时，一个月7000也还算宽裕，但自从弟弟出生以后爸爸的经济收入就直线下降，工作量却不减反增，所以妈妈也出去上班了。从前爷爷没来上海时，只能由她照顾还很小的弟弟。今年爷爷来了上海后，变成了爷爷照顾他们俩。
女孩的描述中，放学后的家里总是空空荡荡，只有熟睡的弟弟轻轻的鼾声和她的画笔时而发出的莎莎声响。我问她从前如何照顾弟弟，自己难道不是也刚刚上小学吗？
“他尿床了我就给他抱起来 抱到上铺干净的床上让他睡。妈妈还给我买了一套小厨房用具，很齐全的。弟弟饿了我就用那个工具给它煎鸡蛋，煮面条，煮米饭”
女孩说这些话时脸上充满了自豪，我看到她对弟弟的爱在眼波里流转，透过实心的“头脑特工队小蓝球”试图观望他们回忆的碎片。我问她会不会有压力，弟弟会不会调皮。她捏了捏凝土小球，歪着头思考。
“他小时候有时候会在背后说我坏话，不过他现在可依赖我了。邻居家还有一个和弟弟差不多大的小男孩，他就总跟别人炫耀他有个这么好的姐姐，搞得那个男生对他羡慕，嫉妒，恨。”
她笑出声来，而我也在心里发笑，觉得这嫉妒的挺合理的。她又转而开始讲起她和其他邻居的故事。
小区的群像由一群鲜活的人和一群小猫构成。她说隔壁是一个奶奶，大家都叫她上海奶奶，而奶奶每每做饭时总会多做几口，借着剩菜多名义弄给小猫吃。还有一个邻居姐姐会偶尔给小猫买猫条，而她也会去帮着一起喂。
“哦哦，楼上有另一个很高的姐姐，已经上大学了，她和我们家关系很好，有时候爸爸妈妈没有留可以加热的晚餐的时候她会做饭给我和弟弟吃，还帮我们弄泡面”，她又补充道，“爸爸妈妈和那个姐姐关系也很好，家里一起出去玩的时候会带上她，她还会给我和小猫画肖像。”
几番对话都绕回了小猫，看来三花们真是这个社区不可割舍的一员啊。
我又问女孩家里一起出去时会去哪儿玩。
“去很漂亮的地方，那里有旋转木马！”
于是，童真的色彩裹挟了责任织成的成熟，木马上斑斓的彩灯嵌上了那蓝色小球在我脑海中的最后一块碎片，我恍然意识到眼前的女孩其实还在小学。
“所以你的理想是一直可以去游乐园玩吗？”
“不是，我的理想是去宠物收容所照顾很多没有家的小动物”
我们的对话就是这样结束的。
窗外秋叶婆娑，我无比清晰的在朦胧夜色里看到女孩的画框里，爸妈在身旁，弟弟在怀中，邻居簇拥，小猫环绕。这一切的一切凝聚在她笑盈盈的酒窝里，又被存储到蓝色的小球里。我想，如果这个小球真的是头脑特工队里的那个记忆存储库，而记忆又存储在这般充沛爱意，坚毅而明媚的生命中的话，它确实应该是那样沉甸甸的。
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